Naming My Fears

Naming my Fears

Someone once told me that I should speak my fears – bring them to light and see how silly they are. So here goes:

1. I have a fear that I will forget to pack something really important –whether it’s airplane tickets, malaria medication or a hairbrush- (once I went camping without one- it looked like a squirrel made a nest in my hair . . . it was bad).

 2. I have a fear that I will go to the bathroom at the airport and when I come out my team will have taken off without me.

3. I have a fear of airplane seats and besides that I HATE them with a passion. They are so uncomfortable and being a large-sized woman I am squeezed to the point that my behind becomes numb. I fear the seatbelts will not fit . . . extensions will be needed and unable to be found on my plane so the PILOT has to call another plane to rush one over to MY plane which causes the flight to be delayed. I also fear my tray will be unable to completely fold down from the seat in front of me because of my tummy and my drink will not stay in the drink holder because of the slant of the tray. I fear the people’s reaction around me- that they’ll dislike me because I am so large I will be invading their air, seat and armrest space.

4. I have a fear that I will become horribly sick and half of my time in Africa will be spent in the bathroom throwing up.

5. I have a fear that I will forget what God would have me say, do and learn there because it’s going to be so hard seeing and hearing what these children have gone through- that the suffering will be overwhelming to me. I fear their stories of hurt, killings and rape. I fear I will have no words to comfort.

6. I fear time will fly so fast and I will want to stay in Africa  . . . (even though right now sitting here in my comfortable home in Portland OR there is no way that would be possible). I do know what I felt in Papua New Guinea and how torn I was when it was time to leave.

Speaking Peace to my Fears…

1.     Yes, I will forget something important. I remember on the drive from Lakeside to Disneyland (2.5 hr drive) with friend my Yvonne and her brother . . . halfway there I realized I forgot all my money- All of it. They forgave me and pooled their resources and I had a great time. God is my provider . . . He will make a way through the love and grace of others.

2.     My team would NEVER leave me!

3.     It is true I am a large woman, but I have been eating better and exercising much more lately. Most likely I will not need a seatbelt extension and if I do they will have one there on my plane. The people around me will be on my team so they most likely won’t mind as much as a stranger how much space I take up. I hope.

4.     People get sick on trips, it happens. If I do I know Doctor Bruce (team leader) will help me . . . as well as all the prayers given in my behalf.

5.     There are no words to say. I am just a witness to their story. I will stand with them and hold their hands and pray with them for peace and then we’ll rejoice that this horror is no longer their world . . . it is in the past.

 6.     One day God may call both Paul and I to Africa, until then it’s just these short trips in the summer . . . or one day I might be run over by a bus. I don’t know and I have only so much control over my fate. All I know is that I want His will to be done in my life . . . today and tomorrow.

 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.   

                                                                                                                 2 Timothy 1:7

And finally...