Naming My Fears

Naming my Fears

Someone once told me that I should speak my fears – bring them to light and see how silly they are. So here goes:

1. I have a fear that I will forget to pack something really important –whether it’s airplane tickets, malaria medication or a hairbrush- (once I went camping without one- it looked like a squirrel made a nest in my hair . . . it was bad).

 2. I have a fear that I will go to the bathroom at the airport and when I come out my team will have taken off without me.

3. I have a fear of airplane seats and besides that I HATE them with a passion. They are so uncomfortable and being a large-sized woman I am squeezed to the point that my behind becomes numb. I fear the seatbelts will not fit . . . extensions will be needed and unable to be found on my plane so the PILOT has to call another plane to rush one over to MY plane which causes the flight to be delayed. I also fear my tray will be unable to completely fold down from the seat in front of me because of my tummy and my drink will not stay in the drink holder because of the slant of the tray. I fear the people’s reaction around me- that they’ll dislike me because I am so large I will be invading their air, seat and armrest space.

4. I have a fear that I will become horribly sick and half of my time in Africa will be spent in the bathroom throwing up.

5. I have a fear that I will forget what God would have me say, do and learn there because it’s going to be so hard seeing and hearing what these children have gone through- that the suffering will be overwhelming to me. I fear their stories of hurt, killings and rape. I fear I will have no words to comfort.

6. I fear time will fly so fast and I will want to stay in Africa  . . . (even though right now sitting here in my comfortable home in Portland OR there is no way that would be possible). I do know what I felt in Papua New Guinea and how torn I was when it was time to leave.

Speaking Peace to my Fears…

1.     Yes, I will forget something important. I remember on the drive from Lakeside to Disneyland (2.5 hr drive) with friend my Yvonne and her brother . . . halfway there I realized I forgot all my money- All of it. They forgave me and pooled their resources and I had a great time. God is my provider . . . He will make a way through the love and grace of others.

2.     My team would NEVER leave me!

3.     It is true I am a large woman, but I have been eating better and exercising much more lately. Most likely I will not need a seatbelt extension and if I do they will have one there on my plane. The people around me will be on my team so they most likely won’t mind as much as a stranger how much space I take up. I hope.

4.     People get sick on trips, it happens. If I do I know Doctor Bruce (team leader) will help me . . . as well as all the prayers given in my behalf.

5.     There are no words to say. I am just a witness to their story. I will stand with them and hold their hands and pray with them for peace and then we’ll rejoice that this horror is no longer their world . . . it is in the past.

 6.     One day God may call both Paul and I to Africa, until then it’s just these short trips in the summer . . . or one day I might be run over by a bus. I don’t know and I have only so much control over my fate. All I know is that I want His will to be done in my life . . . today and tomorrow.

 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.   

                                                                                                                 2 Timothy 1:7

And finally...

"God is always calling us to do the impossible."

I have felt a draw to go to Africa for quite a few years . . . but it wasn’t until after moving down to Portland (on June 30^th 2012) that I began to feel that the time for my Africa trip was coming soon.

Feeling this growing anticipation I took it upon myself to write to the orphanage from the movie Angels In The Dust (on Netflix- highly recommended) in August 2012 and unbelievably 2 days later they wrote back that they do take volunteers!!

I was very excited . . . this movie is an amazing story of one family’s passion for helping children and teens deal with the devastating blow AIDS has taken on the people of South Africa. So I wrote to the orphanage again in December asking them how I go about volunteering there for this upcoming summer in 2013 and they never responded to that email. This was discouraging; as well as all winter long I was plagued with ear infections and an assortment of health issues. 

Then on January 2^nd I fell down some stairs at work and almost broke my arm. I was carrying Mr Potato Head and his various parts in one hand in a blue bucket in the other hand I was balancing the cups I just washed that the children use daily.

I landed on top of the blue bucket and on my wrist. Cups and Mr. Potato Head parts went flying down the hall in all directions. Thankfully by this time school was over for the day but there were people (Patty) still in the office who heard my yelp as I rolled down the stairs.   

Physically I was very sore and bruised but even worse I was emotionally discouraged and frustrated about not making any headway on plans to go to Africa.

So on January 6^th I texted Laura, my bff who lives in Washington.   

“My school is having a meeting about the summer- Looks like Africa is out. Makes me sad. Hopefully next summer.”

Laura texted back: “Why is Africa out?”

January 7^th at 8:54 AM I texted:

“Morning Laur- Right now Africa seem impossible to me- I'm not in the best of health, I haven't heard from the orphanage, Paul is very hesitant to let me go, not sure about the money part and a few other details. But your question got me thinking.

This weekend I read: "God is always calling us to do the impossible." I think He is calling me to do the impossible. I have heard -if there is one person who believes in your dreams with you- that makes all the difference in the world. Thank you for believing in my dream.” 

On the same day just a few minutes later at 9:27AM I texted:

“Just saw a billboard- It said “Live your dreams”!!

The next day on January 8^th I attended a staff meeting at my Preschool. There my boss Kim asked me what my plans were for summer. I told her I want to go to Africa and she said “Oh you want to go on Safari?” I answered, “No I want to work with AIDS orphans, although I don’t know who with, or how.” She then said “Oh that’s like Natalie and her church.” I said, “Who is Natalie and can I have her phone number?” Kim explained that she use to work with Natalie and she’d give Natalie my phone number.

Not too long after that Natalie called and told me her church Abundant Life – about 10 miles from our home- was hosting an informational meeting on January 27^th, and although she had been to Uganda many times before she wouldn’t be able to travel there this year, but she would be happy to meet me at the informational meeting. She answered many of my questions and told me I could call or email her any more questions I might have.

Paul wasn’t so certain about the whole thing until he came with me to that first meeting and realized these were real Christians (not a cult) and they truly cared about the orphans . . . and had years of experience traveling to Uganda.

  

Last thoughts: God is always calling us to do the impossible . . . what is He calling you to do dear friend? And maybe there is someone in your life who needs encouragement and faith in the dream God has given them and right now they are running on empty . . . or maybe You are the one who needs faith that God is big enough to do this crazy amazing thing. Well, I want to ask you one thing . . . Why not?

It Starts...

Thursday May 2nd-The blogging starts!!!

What: Answering God's call to help children in Africa

When: Leaving June 24th for 3 weeks in Uganda

Why: For years . . . and we are talking 7 plus years, I have had the strongest feeling that I am destined to help children in Africa. Besides that, I love Someone who loves these little ones who have been through so much pain and horror and I know He wants me to love them too . . . not just with words, but action.

With Who: The organisation I am volunteering with is based in Portland OR and it's called Ukids it's website is: http://www.ukids.org/

Status: Flight booked and paid for, 3/4th of support money is in ($380 left to raise)****. Passport valid, vaccines (5-ouch!) obtained, getting to know my team members, shopping for UV protecting clothes (had a bout of skin cancer in the past). Praying for the children I will be serving. Pray with me!

****AS OF TODAY JUNE 11, 2013 This trip is FULLY Funded!!! Praise God!!